Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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