My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
