he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
