im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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