So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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