yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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