Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
