i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
