i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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