My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize