I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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