I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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