you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
