I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
