I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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