You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
