im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
