I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will be naked everywhere
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
