Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
