Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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