He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
