i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
