This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
