YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
