hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
