i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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