How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
