i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
