Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
