The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
