That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
