We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
