Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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