I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
