She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
