I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
