I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
