I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
