Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
