listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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