Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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