im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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