i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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