It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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