Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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