She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
