Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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