We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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