Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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