I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ok first of all what the fuck
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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