The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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