guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
