whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
