Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
