I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think people are normalizing furries
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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