i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
