i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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