no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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