Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
