The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
