haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
