my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
