Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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