I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize