dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
