I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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