So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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