I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
