Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
