Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
