cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
