tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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