I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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