i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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