so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
