god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
