Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
