you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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